John and I are making some improvements on his/our house. I did a lot of home improvement on my house which made it very hard to leave my beautiful house for John’s bachelor pad. We’ve been slowly making improvements which has made giving up my house a little easier.
This is perhaps one of my biggest challenges as a Fibro Warrior. I find home improvement extremely difficult. I tiled the bathroom a few months ago and could barely move for 3 days. That was when I started to really wonder what was wrong with me. It was one of the things that lead me to yet another doctor.
John and I decided to rip up the carpet and pergo our stairs and upstairs. I started the project with him around the time I went to the doctor and found out what was going on with my body. It left me in a really difficult predicament. First of all, I was the reason we started this project. John hadn’t done much home improvement and if I hadn’t suggested (perhaps even insisted) that we pergo the upstairs, it wouldn’t have happened. Now, here I am telling him that I can’t help him. My guilt was overwhelming.
So…. John began ripping up carpet and lying floor by himself while I sat on massage chairs and heating pads. I began doing other things like making curtains and working on a new garden. It didn’t really assuage my guilt.
From the beginning of the project I wanted to tile the rise of the stairs. I LOVE tiled rises and have always wanted to do it. We bought these really light weight glass tiles that create this really cool 70s nightclub vibe. When the time came to tile the rises, John asked if I could show him how to do it and he’d tile for me.
This was a problem. First because the guilt of making John do this by himself was consuming me. Second I really like tiling and wanted to do it myself and third because tiling (especially tiling 100 year old stairs) was going to take a finesse that I knew John didn’t have. John can be impatient when it comes to home improvement and the one thing tile needs is some patience.
I knew he’d eff it up. If you’re reading his John – I love you. You are bestest.
So…. I tiled the rises yesterday and they look freaking great. I love them. This is exactly why I love home improvement! The pleasure you get looking at how pretty your house looks. And now I feel like a pile of crap. I had hoped that if I took it slow, stretched in between and slathered on the biofreeze that I’d be ok.
I’m really frustrated because I don’t feel like I was doing hard labor. I sat most of the time, and the tiles don’t weigh much at all. The problem is that doing anything physical lays me up. It seems that whenever I engage my muscles, I pay for it the next day. Now I’m in the tricky position of having super tight muscles which means that the simplest thing will throw out my back. Like folding laundry or shaving my legs. Good times.
I know I need to accept my limitations and stop doing things like tiling rises and the problem is that I really really like doing it. It’s so hard to give up something that makes you happy and will continue to make you happy. Every time I walk into my bathroom I looks at the floor and smile. Something that gives you that kind of happiness is worth it’s weight in gold.
I struggle with this and I haven’t figured out a way to fix it yet. I try to do other things that make me happy like sew. I can sew without many physical ramifications. But sometimes I want to paint my hallway or tile my floor. It’s like when you get that spring cleaning itch. I get the home improvement itch and not being able to scratch it makes me terribly sad.
I realize I’m ending this one on a down note and I’ve been sitting here drinking my coffee trying to find a way to turn it around. I’m not sure how to do that. I think I’m going to take the dogs to the dog park today. That will be nice. Sorry folks, that’s all I got today.
Yours in health,